The Light in the Dark

The bats were coming home to roost when I awakened at dawn. They sleep under the eves outside our bedroom windows and on the mornings when my own awakening chimes in with their swirling-whirling descent dance to hang upside down for over 12 hours, I feel blessed. I love bats. They are the only mammal that can freely fly. Bats pollinate flowers, spread seeds and eat mosquitoes. Bat guano is black gold for fertilizing soil. They have been around since the Eocene era- what elders! Some species operate off echolocation to navigate and find their prey. In short, bats are magnificent. Bats are beautiful. 

So maybe since I witnessed their coming home blessing this morning, it will be a better day. Yesterday was so shitty. Ever have one of those days? Yes, I’m sure. All of us do, but hopefully only from time to time. Life sucks when everyday is shitty over and over again. Makyziah took this photo of our peace lily when she was 14, and it helps me remember how just a little spark of beauty can light up a dark room.

I was in town with Nadia recently and she asked if we could order Chinese food. I got an egg-roll and eagerly bit into it while it was still raging hot. That fried oil shot into the roof of the right side of my mouth and burned a layer off. I felt a flap of skin hanging. Ow.

It has gotten worse and my teeth even ache on that side. I can’t eat without being in excruciating pain and it takes a half hour to eat a small bowl of oatmeal. I am mostly sipping smoothies through a straw which still hurts, as I awkwardly tilt my head to the left and sip to try to keep liquid away from the injury, but it’s pretty much impossible. I tried putting the straw at the back of my throat to bypass the roof but sipping that way makes cause me to go into coughing spasms. It’s been almost a week of barely eating, and I should probably just take this opportunity to fast, but I’m not in the mood. Got too much going on I’m trying to manage which is basically my Mo, which btw isn’t working and I’m collapsing inside. Isn’t that nice of my body to give me an excuse to slow it down? I did yesterday because I’m so weak from hunger and pain I didn’t really have a choice.

I’ve been doing herbal poultices and washes to keep it from becoming more infected and to help it heal. The best thing I’ve found is putting Saint John’s Wort and Calendula Salve on it throughout the day. (Thank you so much, Jessie, for suggesting that!)

My physical body is mirroring my emotional body which is crying out for change. Burn it all away, burn it all away, if it does not serve you then burn it all away. 

Today I’m calling on the resilience of Bat. I’m calling on God’s Will to flow thru me. I’m praying to embrace a better attitude while listening and tending to my very real and loud needs that aren’t being met. I envision Artemis by my side, warrior woman whole unto herself. I have a new day before me, a new canvas to paint. I trust myself to always migrate toward the light. Here I go.